I FEEL LONELY

I'm all alone in our apartment. Everybody's out and I'm the only one left. I had a tiring day. I'm getting tired of my job, but I have to keep at it because I have to bring home the bacon, so to speak.

I know that I am loved by family and friends. A friend of mine just recently declared that she considers me her best friend. I do, too. I love her a lot and I consider her a blessing. I share a very close and loving relationship with my brother and my sister who both live with me. They both love me, I know that for sure. Plus, I have a lot of friends, near and far, who never fail to show their love and support. On the surface, there shouldn't be any reason for me to feel lonely. But there's a gnawing feeling of emptiness that I have to deal with every day.

I made a heart-wrenching decision recently and I have no regrets although it was very difficult for me to make that decision. I'm healing now and I know that it's just a matter of time before I can honestly say that I'm over my ex-love. I don't cry anymore although I still long for this person sometimes. I just miss the company and the friendship we once shared.

I miss having somebody to love. I think this is why I feel very lonely. Sure I have a lot of friends and my family is always here for me. But I cannot relate with them with the same depth as I would a sweetheart. I remember reading a book by Tony Robbins and coming across a passage that says, "Loneliness is a signal that you need to connect with someone at a certain level." How true.

I don't want to enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I don't want to be a "user" or an emotional parasite. I know it's not the right time for me to be with someone because I'm still recovering from my recent heartbreak. Oh, but my heart yearns to love again!

Random Thoughts...Again...

There's too much noise inside my head. I don't know what's happening to me. I cannot keep still. I've been fidgeting. I think I'm bipolar. For these past three days, I have been restless. It's as if I have a sudden burst of energy. I haven't slept very well. However, tonight, I feel a bit depressed, although I still feel restless. Gosh, I can't keep still!

I miss a friend very, very much, although the last time I saw her was just the other day. I had some snacks with her children and her husband at a coffee shop. I don't know why I want to see her. Gosh, I'm having strange thoughts and feelings! I am so ashamed of myself.

I scare myself sometimes. There are days when I can become very impulsive. I cannot help it. It's hard for me to write but I am forcing myself. My thoughts are scattered everywhere.

I feel like crying. I don't even know why. I can't find any reason to cry. Am I going crazy? And why do I think of death sometimes? I don't want to die yet, but why does the thought sneak into my consciousness? I'm scared.