Last year, I went to a psychiatrist at St. Luke's Medical Center to have myself treated for depression. While I cannot pinpoint any specific cause for my major depressive episode, I think it was partly due to my anxiety about my job. I had the nagging feeling that I was about to get fired. I have always thought of myself as a failure because most of my peers have accomplished more than I have. (Indeed, having a high IQ doesn't guarantee success). I was so scared of getting fired because it would mean that I wasn't good enough for my job. I did not want to fail again.
I attribute my failures to my short attention span. I'd undertake a task and then find myself doing something else after a few minutes. (I have a lot of unfinished blog entries that are saved as drafts.) I try to deal with this by trying to do things fast. It does help, but not always. I think this is a handicap.
My psychiatrist told me that I may have attention deficit disorder. I think I really have it. She wanted to prescribe some drugs (Concerta is one of them), but I told her I'd rather not take any because I didn't want the adverse effects. Besides, the medicines are ridiculously expensive.
I wish I could find a treatment option that does not require drugs. Would meditation help? Maybe, but I can't even keep my mind on my mantra. I now work as a transcriptionist, and again, I have this nagging feeling that I'm about to lose my job. I make a lot of mistakes on the job. This is so frustrating! I don't know what to do. Can anyone help me? Please...
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Well, you are possibly already aware of this, but physical relaxation techniques are usually effective for stress/low attention span. Deep breathing exercises and PMR. For women, baths are very useful too. Aside, you should have faced the issue with your psychiatrist, that you have to locate the root of your angst, and that it is something that you have unsolved in the present, althought coming from the past.
If I only base myself in what you have published in your posts, (but that is not enough for a just vision of a person) you _seem_ to confuse your past with what you are, and you are not only your past; and you _seem_ to confuse doing with being, like if you were not still totally showing yourself as you are, ergo, afraid of not being accepted, as a working person, or fired as you said.
My partial vision is that if I was you, I should start by relaxing the body to relax the mind, instead of drugging it, like you already noticed.
The most valuable help you can get you'll get it from a professional able to make you think in the relation between your past, your present, and your virtues and defects.
But also as you are an artist, you can find a shortcut in the very core of what art represents; you might try to find in yourself what is there that make you good, beautiful and truthful.
The four posts on our blog are mesmerizing. I find the blog extremely interesting; in fact, like observing a big zone of my soul.
I think it is a new favourite of mine, so I linked it.
Cheers.
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